Holy shit!! So I’m sitting in my cubicle eating lunch & one of our district managers walks up & says, “Hey, there’s someone I want you to meet.” I said, “Cool, who?” He said, “Do you know the wrestler, MVP?”. I said, “Yeah! He’s on WWE Smackdown. He said, “He’s in my car right now.” I said, “WHAT?!?! WHY??” He said, “We’ve been friends for over 20 years, we used to wrestle together in Florida back in the 90’s.” So I walk out & MVP opens the car door, steps out & my buddy Todd intoduces us. He shook my hand & said, “Nice to meet ya, bro.” He’s a fuckin’ monster! Standing 6’5” & over 260 pounds. He was super nice & getting to meet him has been the highlight of my week!
Some people are blessed with good looks. I got the shaft on that shit, but I can sing & play the bass guitar very well. I guess the glass is almost half full.. True story: I was offered a recording deal by Atlantic Records in 2005 on my voice alone. The president of the label heard a song I had written/recorded & loved it. Then he met me in person & told me he liked my voice but I didn’t look “the part”. Being a good singer doesn’t matter. If I looked like Johnny Depp I would’ve gotten a record deal, but I don’t so my voice alone wasn’t enough to “make it” in the music biz. That’s why I do a lot of background vocals for other artists. I’m heard but never seen.. I’m Sloth from the fuckin’ Goonies..
Me & my sis after her graduation. I know, I know.. People ask me all the time, “How are YOU related to her?!?!”, cause I’m a hideous fuckin’ CHUD that looks like a walking bloated corpse that’s been dredged out of a river.. Apparently the gene pool was empty when I dove into in & I landed on my goddamn face. My mom always tells me I’m handsome. She’s the same kind of person that tells their kid they are great singers & then they get humiliated in front of the world on American Idol. Those fuckers from Swamp People are better looking than me! Fuck my life…
